| Lou's Page - #3 - Assorted Shorts! |
| IMPORTANT TECH MEMO Maintenance Memo |
| -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This is an actual alert to the IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest found it rather funny. |
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| Abstract: Mouse Balls available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) |
| Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. |
| Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the opo-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. |
| Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. |
| It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction; and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items. |
| To reorder, specify on the following: P/N 33F8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls P/N 33F8461 - Foreign Balls |
| A woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do!! |
| A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. |
| These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available. |
| The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to large metal door and handed him a gun. We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances, they explained. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her. The man got a shocked look on his face and said "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" "Well," says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then." |
| They bring in the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, they explained to the second man. Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her. The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I m not the right man for this job. No, the CIA man replied, You don t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home. |
| Now they are down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him. The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing. One after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!" |