| Assorted Shorts from Lou |
| This is a sampling of some of the stuff that Lou
has emailed me over the last couple of years. Some of it is his, some of
it he found. All of it is funny! Enjoy! |
| A man arrives home one evening to find a gorilla
sitting on his roof. Not knowing what to do, he opens the yellow pages
and looks under "gorilla removal". He calls the only listing. A man arrives and takes from his truck the following: a ladder, a bunch of bananas, a big stick, a pair of handcuffs, a Chihuahua and a gun. The homeowner asks what he's going to do with all that stuff, to which he replies: "I'm going to use the ladder to get on the roof, then I'm going to throw the bananas to the gorilla. While he's busy eating them, I'm going to knock him off the roof with this stick. When he hits the ground the Chihuahua is going to bite him in the groin, at which time the gorilla will throw his hands in the air, and you slap the cuffs on him." The homeowner asks, "what about the gun?" The man hands the gun to him and says, "Sometimes the gorilla knocks me off the roof. If that happens, you shoot the Chihuahua. |
| Two college football players were taking an
important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic
probation and not allowed to play in the Bowl game the following week.
The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old
MacDonald had a _________." Moose was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Moose. "Moose, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm." "Oh yeah," said Moose. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?" "You are really dumb, Moose. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O." |
| Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were
invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them "I need
three important people to send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I
will destroy the earth." Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them "I have two really bad news items for you: 1. God really exists and 2. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth." Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them "I have Good news and Bad News: 1. God really does exist; 2. The bad news is tomorrow He will destroy the earth." Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and happily announced "I have two fantastic announcements: 1. I am one of the three most important people on earth and 2. The Year 2000 problem is solved." |